What To Do When Your Birth Control Fails

by Scott Elliot
What To Do When Your Birth Control Fails

There is nothing worse than getting that classic “I’m late” text while you are at work from your present or prior sexual partner. Your stomach drops, you imagine the next 18 years of your life just being a series of private pre-school payments and braces bills. That is what you need to have a fool proof birth control plan. Too many men leave it up to the women to follow through with their birth control or too many men are just plain unprepared. They feel it isn’t their problem… until their pay checks are being garnished for over a decade that is.

Well now is your chance to prevent unplanned pregnancy once and for all. Learn what to do in every birth control failure situation possible. Make a plan and stick to that plan boys.

For When the Condom BustsWhen the condom busts

Hope she lives on the first floor for an easy get away… SIKE! Either that evening or the next morning after you have bought your lady some breakfast drive to the drug store together to get the Plan B pill. Pay for it or go halvies depending on your level of intimacy. By taking her to go get it, you might be lucky enough to be able to watch her take it. Seeing is believing in these situations, remember that.

Condom Trapped by the Snatching Snatch

This one is actually nearly 100% your drunken fault. You probably had whiskey dick and were too drunk to realize it slipped into the ether. If the unused condom is stuck this is not ideal, but not too much of a problem. As far as the vagina is concerned, what goes up must come down. Help your partner remain relaxed, if she is clenched it will be harder to retrieve. Either help your partner get it and keep the mood going (you are a pro if  you can achieve this).

More likely though you will need to tell your partner to go to the bathroom and squat down, as she bears down she can create a hook with her finger and fish it out from the great unknown. If that doesn’t work, as weird as it may be to say, tell her to try and drop a deuce. While pooping usually the pelvic floor muscles can loosen and bring whatever is stuck into broad daylight.

If the condom is used then go with the Plan A listed above and go get ya girl some Plan B.

To prevent this in the future, remember to check the base of your condom every once in a while, especially while you are hitting it from behind.

When You’ve Come To Class UnpreparedWhen you've come to class unprepared

Things are getting hot and heavy your reaching up the shirt and she is getting into your pants and then it hits you both. “Wait you don’t have a condom?” “You don’t have a condom?” “Are you on birth control?”

Honestly, it doesn’t matter if she is on birth control if she hasn’t been recently STD tested.

This one has an easy fix. Either don’t have sex or go get a condom.

What you will most likely do though because you are irresponsible and like to flirt with parenthood is hope your pull out game is strong. But seriously guys just carry a condom no matter how undesirable you have been as of late, you never know when you’ll get lucky.

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